keep the wing clippers away!

i find myself standing at the very edge of the high diving board, clutching to the rails behind me, peering at the crystal blue water beneath, desperate to dive in deep, to live in the dream i've been dancing around for so long. yearning to live. yearning to fly. yet i clutch to the railings. why? why am i soo scared to let go of the past? let go of the "security"?
once upon a time i'd blame myself that i couldn't fly because i had screwed up too many times in the past. surely the dreams and plans dad had created for me were no longer attainable because of my screw ups. yet the dreams are still there. the longings and desires for more are still there. i was clipping my own wings without even recognizing it.

it took an unexpected concert to wake me up. as i listened to delirious play from their hearts, i heard the old familiar soothing lullaby once more, calling me to deeper depths, beckoning me to heights inconceivable. the following lyrics wrecked my preconceived ideas once more:

There’s no-one else to blame I live my life between the fire and the flame I’ve built my house where the ocean meets the land It’s time to live again, pull my dreams out of the sand Let your world be full of colour I will carry you, if you carry me
And I'm free to be the man you want me to be I'm alive when I'm alive in you And I'm free to be the one you said I could be I'm alive 'cose you're alive, I'm alive when I'm alive in you

once again i'd been putting human conditions on my creator. accusing him of having the wrong gal in mind. what i'd failed to realize was that the same loving father who called me knew i'd screw up when he called me. it didn't deter him. he knows the same talents and giftings he placed in me are still there and can still be used by him.....if i allow them to be.
i am free to be the woman he said i could be. the woman he dreamed i could be when he created me. yet i try to play god and clip my own wings and keep myself low to the ground. *incinerates the clippers* it's time to soar.