find me.

i've been struggling for a while with the idea of moving. not so much moving, but change in general. this song's been in my heart and thoughts for a while.

i'm gonna move on down to elliston
let my hair grow wild and free
rent a second story studio
find the other side of me.

i'm gonna sit out on the edge of the fire escape
feel a little destitute
search for the feelings that will help me remember
the love that i have for you

find me, find me
i'll wait for you
find me, fine me
i'll wait for you

i'm gonna give away my stereo
give away my t.v.
i'm going back to essentials, a chair and a lamp
and the book that you wrote to me

you see, i'm looking for the you that used to speak so clear
i'm looking for the me that had a heart to hear
and i'm looking for the passion that help me here
on the edge

find me, find me
i'll wait for you

you see, i'm looking for the me i used to know
i'm looking for the love that was out of control
'cause i feel a little cold here in the afterglow

find me, find me
i'll wait for you

i remember hearing this song when it first came out and thinking how cool it'd be to be able to do that....just get alone with god...no distractions, no interruptions, just an environment to cultivate a relationship with my creator.
funny thing, ever since my fiance and i separated (going on 3 years now), god's been drawing me into that type of environment, and i've been fighting it tooth and nail.
not only that, but i'd create distractions and interruptions so i wouldn't have to hear his calling....to dull the ache that lingers deep in my soul.
the tv wasn't an issue, seeing as i couldn't afford cable and there wasn't anything good on anyhow.
the computer, however, has been my vice. i would come up with excuses as to why i needed my computer....ie to keep in touch with my parents on opposite ends of the country, to do research for work that i can't do at work, to blog...blah blah blah.
then my computer blows up. what do i do? rush to get it fixed, of course....dropping more money into it than it's worth. it works fine for a couple of months, but when i use it again to keep "busy," it crashes again. it's like dad's just sitting there patiently, waiting for me to realize i don't need this as badly as i thought....that in reality it's only hindering the growth and intimacy that i truly long for.
i'm slowly wising up to this. and think it's past time i make some choices that are long overdue.
it's time to find my second story studio, and not move the distractions into it.
just me and abba. a safe haven (without reminders of the past) to cultivate the relationship i've craved, and to learn what it means to be a true princess.