sunset.

as long as i can remember, i've always enjoyed sunsets. watching creation yawn in front of you is rather...captivating.
one of the few things on my agenda while on vacation this week was to savor a minnesota sunset. i had the opportunity to do so thursday evening.
i pulled up a chair (the ground was a lil too muddy for me to comfortably enjoy the view), and as i settled in to take in the view, i picked up my bible and started thumbing through it. Lamentations came to mind and i was taken aback as i read this:

"i'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison i've swallowed,
i remember it all-oh, how well i remember-
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
but there's one other thing i remember,
and remembering, i keep a grip on hope:

god's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
they're created new every morning.
how great you faithfulness!
i'm sticking with god (i say it over and over),
he's all i've got left.

god proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
it's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from god.
it's a good thing when you'r young
to stick it out through the hard times.

when life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. enter the silence.
bow in prayer. don't ask questions:
wait for hope to appear.
don't run from trouble. take it full-face.
the "worst" is never the worst.

why? because the master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
if he works severely, he also works tenderly.
his stockpiles of love are immense.
he takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way"

it was such a breath of fresh air to me.
no matter how grim things look around me, it could always be worse. just the reminder of no matter what crap i might be dealing with...dad's love out trumps all of that. every time. every time.

how very humbling. and wonderfully reassuring.

who am i?

i have the priviledge of working with alzheimer patients. today is no exception. this morning, while many of our residents were in the lounge watching reverend schuller, one resident asked to hear some religious music in the living room. so i tuned the radio to a local christian station, which had a live broadcast of a local church service on. just about the time i tuned in, they started the special music selection before the pastor was to deliver his sermon.
i froze for a moment.
now i've always enjoyed this song, and its meaning, but today, it pierced deep.

who am i that the lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt
who am i that the bright and morning star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wandering heart
not because of who i am
but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who you are
i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind
still you hear me when i'm calling
lord you catch me when i'm falling
and you've told me who i am
i am yours. i am yours.
who am i, that the eyes that see my sin
could look on me with love and watch me rise again
who am i, that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me
not because of who i am
but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who you are
i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapor in the wind
still you hear me when i'm calling
lord you catch me when i'm falling
and you've told me who i am
i am yours. i am yours.

what an amazing thought. nothing i've done. nothing i can do. nothing i can obtain. no requirements to receive his love. he loves me. his daughter. no ands, ifs, or buts. no strings attached. no fine print. no conditions.
thank you abba for your love. i still don't fully understand it or grasp it, but i am grateful for it. please continue to soften my heart when i get too full of myself. help me to rest in you.
i love you.
your ever quirky princess.

27 years.

27 years. trying to do it on my own. trying to prove to god, to others, i can do it my way. i can make it happen. without their help. as i thumbed my nose at them.

for what? floundering in the stream as the current sweeps me toward the waterfall?

i've tried it on my own time and time again, without success. i once heard insanity defined as doing the exact same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

ENOUGH!

this past week i reached the 27 landmark. usually i'd see it as just another day, but this time, a still small thought permeated my thoughts: it's a new day. a new year. it's time for a new start.

i've been chewing over that thought, digesting it. i keep saying i wanna change, i keep making these grand plans of how things will be peachy once i've got it all together.
now here's a new thought....what if i simply put my money where my mouth is and backed up my talk?
*gasp* shocking. transforming. revolutionary, even.
and about darn time.

labels.

bleeding heart liberal. right wing conservative. mushy moderate. pro choice. pro life. evangelical. catholic. mormon. fundamentalist. muslim. jihadist. jock. blonde. yuppy. preppy. virgin. blue collar. white collar. executive. redneck. roughneck. and on and on the list goes.

labels. with each term listed above, a certain image comes to mind. like it or not, we all stereotype and associate a certain set of characteristics with each of the labels. and automatically assume those characteristics apply to everyone who is branded with said label.
and it pisses me off.
very few things piss me off, but i absolutely despise being labeled. being forced to fit someone else's cookie cutter mold of who they think i should be.
i don't believe dad used molds when he created us. i believe he's given each of us unique characteristics and giftings and talents. i don't believe we were intended to be herded like cattle into one category or another.

so why is there this underlying need to categorize everyone? why are we as a society to quick to assign everyone a label?

please understand this blog is not an attack against anyone, but rather a springboard for discussion. i seriously welcome all comments and would appreciate hearing your feedback and perspective on this subject. thanks in advance.
~Q