father knows best...?

a funny thought came to me this morning. jeni varnadeau's song "father knows best" came to mind. (for those who know me best, one of my quirks is that nearly everything remind me of a song...lol it's almost as if my life is a perpetual musical some days :P). i realized that although i had relinquished my faux pearls....i was still window shopping. i know father knows best, but yet actions betrayed the truth. i was saying sure dad, you can have these back, but when i'm lonely, or when i miss them, i wanna hold them again, or i'll go off looking for a better substitute.

why can't i just wait for dad's best? why am i so quick to run toward some unfulfilling, worthless substitute that will only leave me empty and yearning more in the long run?

why can't i just rely on the hope i have knowing dad and resting in his love for me?
perhaps it's because i don't know father knows best. maybe i just think that dad kinda likes me a lil bit and maybe if he feels like it will wanna give me something nice once in a while? it's almost as if he's dangling the carrot in front of me, only to yank it away and laugh scoffingly at my petty faith.

but i know that's not in dad's character...bah, why do i keep trying to paint these images of him??

father does know best! he's proven it over and over again in my life, and i know he'll prove it again and continue to be faithful to me...as i am faithful to him.

if only i can remember that when all i see is black smears and squiggles on the canvas....to have the faith, patience, and perseverence to keep walking it through, keep trusting....until the masterpiece dad's orchestrating through my life is revealed.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in me will be faithful to carry it to completion....what an amazing hope!

tag, you're it.

standing is quite easy when all is calm on the western front. when the storms and winds rage, however, is when the true test comes. it's so easy to live when you're surrounded by those with similar passions....those who encourage and inspire you. but when the ugliness of negativity and the mundane, when the faint pulse of mere existance steadily drones on in your face day in, day out....living almost seems a mirage.
in those moments, it's so easy to allow all the crap you can't control engulf you...and before you know it BAM! you're right smack dab in the middle of it all. sacrificing life and freedom for existance.
why? it's easier, more convenient to just go with the flow than to make waves and fight for the precious life i've been given. especially at work.
why do i choose to settle and stoop to that level i've fought so fiercely to rise above? lol of course my typical response "well, if no one else wants to change or attempt to make things better around here, then why should i?"
that backwards logic works for a moment or two before reality beckons me again, reminding me i wasn't made
to be a voyeur, but a voyager. which leads to my next arguement. "well, there's no way on earth i'll be able to make any difference, and any attempt to 'go against the flow' will only frustrate and exhaust me."
yet, there's that still small prompting that won't go away, coursing through my veins with every heartbeat....."tag, you're it"
i have to admit, i don't like it. but i know if i want to hold onto the freedom i've been given, i have to step up to the plate. it won't be easy, but it will be worth it. if only i can remember that when i'm surrounded by the mundane.

out of the wreck i rise

a year spent screwing up. falling. failing. crawling. struggling. barely surviving. painting pictures of egypt in the wilderness. one would think i'd have learned by now...*sigh*

there comes a time when the stiffling, suffocating "comfort zone" of familiarity and habit becomes so overwhelming, so burdensome you're left with two options.

1) allow the "comfort" of routine and old habits and patterns suffocate the life out of you completely and settle for merely existing day in, day out...

or 2) say enough is enough and step out of the box you've penned yourself into and begin to truly live.

enough is enough! i'm sick of cowering and crawling, just barely existing...it's not good enough. we were meant to live for so much more! out of the wreck i rise...it's time to stand. in true quirky fashion.

standing firm, and after having done everything, to stand. this is where the new chapter in my journey begins.